Last night, I spent the night with Lindsey. She asked me a wonderful question which, allowed me to realize a very poignant truth.
Her question was: What are the ten standards you will not lower when looking for a suitable partner and a serious relationship?
1) Politeness. Being polite encompasses a lot of important sub-categories (one being respect). I dated a guy once who was only superficially polite. He was a dick until he knew people were watching, and then he tried to look like he wasn't a greasy slimeball.
2) A Sense of Humor. More specifically, a sense of humor that will compliment my own. Laughing and being able to have a good time despite unwanted circumstances is very important to me.
3) Sexual Attraction. This means, to be perfectly honest and blunt, that he can't be ugly. I'm not attracted to ugly people. You can call it being superficial if you'd like but I'm willing to bet that if you think that me having to be sexually attracted to my partner is shallow, then you're either jealous or have self-confidence/self-image issues.
4) Self Sufficiency. Any guy that wants to be with me has to have some form of income and a car. While I love driving and will always be the one to drive us places, I do not want to chauffeur you around so you can get your daily tasks done. Having money is a given. I don't care if you have a lot of money so long as you have enough to go out and do things with me on occasion (and I never ask you to/make you pay for me).
5) Balance. I consider myself to be much more of a giver than a taker, but I will end a relationship if I am constantly giving and never receiving. Selfishness is such a turn-off.
6) Comfort-level. I don't expect this standard to be met right from the start. Actually, that would be really weird. Eventually, however, I want to be so comfortable with you that nothing I say/do will be out of bounds. Being comfortable with you also means that I trust you. I want to be able to trust you more than anyone else and I want to feel secure that I could do anything with you and not have to second-guess myself.
7) Similar Core Principles. You cannot have anything that I would deem to be a "fatal flaw". For example; habitual drug users, alcoholics, violent tendencies, boring personality.
8) Intelligence. I cannot date someone who is less intelligent than I consider myself to be. Preferably, I would like to date someone who is slightly smarter than I am.
9) Proper Grammar. Most people would probably laugh at this standard, but I will not date someone who cannot spell basic English words or someone who does not know the difference between homophones.
10) Stimulation. My partner has to be able to carry on a conversation, participate in a debate, and be willing to challenge ideas that he disagrees with. I need someone to interact with and I need someone who is adventurous and able to take me out of my comfort zone.
After listing my ten standards, I realized that I'm really not asking for much. I'm asking for a good guy. And if anyone thinks that asking for a decent man is asking for too much, then I am really disappointed in how far society has fallen.
Rani, your standards are by no means unreasonable. It may seem difficult to find all of these qualities in one individual, however it's not impossible. You deserve someone who can meet all of your needs, and will make you happy in every way that you need to be. Your not wrong to need a physical/sexual attraction, if you don't at least start with that, theres really no point in taking it any further. Don't worry about the ugly people, there's someone in this world for everyone lol. And don't ever settle for someone who is less than what you want/need, because as much as you may want to make it work, most people really can't change and you will never be happy with them. - Dave
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you've written and I add that these are exactly the same things I'm searching for (and that I may have found).
ReplyDeleteBUT I don't think that it's not so much... expecially because stay together is far from being easy. No one of use is really made to live with someone else without any effort: to stay together requires constant work in order to smooth everything "hurts" (sorry for my english ;)).
So now the point is: how are you able to force yourself to accept the other person? Because after ten years also a small thing you may don't like, is able to become unacceptable so here comes the trouble and here the qualities you listed are stressed.
Therefore, I may add just one item to your list: patience.
See you!